Fatmanratometer key to ratings :
rating 1 = “ shit“ 
rating 10 = “Dogs nuts“
Basically,this is a page containing a run down of motorcycles I have owned since 1978.The pictures are as close to the original colours as I could find.There's also a section on bikes I have ridden short term for work but have not owned.
Click on the motorcycle to hear some biker tunes,
Famous quote from my mate Bruce"It's not a motorcycle it's a chopper baby".
Click on the arrow to read My biking tale,
This was my very first bike, I bought it for £120 from some youngish looking bloke in Warrington. I went with the 'Old Man' to view it and he spent the whole time trying to haggle the price down by dissing the bike. We eventually agreed on a price and I think we put it in the back of the 'Old Man's' van because I couldn't ride it home. When I got insurance the 'Old Man' insisted I practice down at Vic Carr's farm before I ventured out onto the roads. It wasn't bad for a starter bike but it kept over- heating because the 'Old Man' had altered the fuel/air mixture because he said it was running too rich. He liked to mess about with fuel systems on vehicles because every car he had stunk of petrol due to his tinkering. I didn't like the styling of the bike it was very commuter looking and not very sporty. I realised how slow it was when I went out with a gang of lads from Murdishaw on a bike ride. They all had much faster bikes than me and just burnt off, leaving me behind. I can't remember it being good at anything; it was uncomfortable, slow and dull looking.The only positive thing I can say was that it was better than a "Nifty fifty",which was what most bikers started on.
B120 color blue cost £120 date 1978 Rating 2
I bought this from L&AB in Widnes for £395 pounds. I always wanted one because one of the lads from the Murdishaw gang had one. His name was Nick and he always wore a wrangler jacket, not leathers like other bikers. He loved chasing sports cars on his bike, especially if the driver was female and he looked dead cool as he flew up the road burning after them. The Honda G5 was a large looking bike for a 250. It had the 750 cool styling and good performance, as well as being very comfortable two up. I had to sell it after about 12 months though because it started burning oil and would have cost too much to fix.
Honda CB250G5 color blue cost £395 date 1979 Rating 7
Another great sale for L&AB and another holiday in Spain for a dodgy salesman, this bike cost me £300 cash plus £350 part-exchange for my Honda G5. I bought because I liked the bright red colour and white stripes,'god I sound like a stupid tart'. It rode well at first but later kept constantly breaking down. I remember going round to my girlfriend's house 'Joy the bike' on it and her stepfather asking me whether it was a Triumph, I thought he was a bit thick because it had Suzuki wrote across the tank in massive letters. I also remember being at the traffic lights on the Brow chasing Brian and Jonesy on their FS1E's (50cc Yamaha) and the bloody thing blew the engine costing a fortune. I sold it for £15 to one of Brian's mates; it was completely knackered by then, though.
Suzuki GT250c color red cost £600 date 1980 Rating 4
Old fashioned Triumph looking heavy twin two stroke with no power, bad brakes and chronic handling - which can only be described using the metaphor handled like "a pissed up camel". This was the 'Old Man's' "pride and joy". I don't know where he bought it from? or why? or what ever happened to it? I only remember borrowing it from him when I worked at Vibroplant and running into a set of portable traffic lights on the way to work. The bike went down the road side-ways as soon as I touch the brakes and subsequently the tank and headlamp was trashed. I offered to pay for the damage but he wouldn't have it. I do remember he had it when he lived at Chester working at the gas board because he kept it in the outside shed. Is it still there? who knows? Was it a symbolic representation of his loyalty to communism along with that horrible camaflague Lada that the IRA ended up with alledgely, again who knows.The picure above shows Mark(aka Fatlad) demonstrating a typical Steve McQueen pose.
The 'Old Man's' "pride & joy" color brown cost Unknown maybe two rubels date 1982 Rating 3
I bought this bike from Brian Blackburn for £250. I think he bought it for £400 from somewhere in Manchester. It was looking a bit tired by the time I got it, but I remember I was always pulling wheelies on it because it had such a good power to weight ratio. I pulled one outside Vibroplant and twisted my ankle when the bike hit the deck. They had to send me home in a works van and Mr lack took me to Warrington hospital where I was stripped of my dignity and man-handled by two middle aged nurses. The X7 was quite fast and sporty looking but its best point was the custom paint job which depicted a spooky looking church in a cemetery. Wherever I went people passing would stop and admire the paintwork, it was a bit of a crowd pleaser.. .
Suzuki X7 color spooky Custom paint cost £250 date 1982 Rating 7
The old man helped me buy this bike because I didn't have enough cash because I was working for shit money at Runcorn shopping city. The women selling it wanted £550 for it. It had belonged to her husband who had recently died in freak accident. The bike had been left in the garage gathering dust. I went up to look at it with the 'Old Man', it was just around the corner from where our Chrissie was living in Buckley at the time. It was so embarrassing, this poor young women trying to get a decent price for her dead husbands 'pride and joy' while the 'Old Man' slagged the bike off to get the price dropped . She agreed on a price of £450 and we went back the following night with the cash and I rode it home. It was a nice looking comfortable bike but was very slow. I only kept it for about a year because it got so boring driving it.
Kawasaki Z440H color brown cost £450 date 1984 Rating 4
I bought a Xj650 because I had heard Ros (an old flame) had one. I loved this bike from the very first moment I saw it in the kawasaki showroom in Liverpool. It too was a bit like Ros. At the dealers I asked if he would part exchange for my Z440 but he didn't seemed to be interested because he kept saying " Z440 ! It's not a 250 and it's not a 500" what is it? In the end I managed to swing the deal with paying the difference in cash he gave £400 part exchange and I paid £350 cash. Brian rode it back to Runcorn for me because I wasn't insured, he said it was the business and ' it was'. It had lovely lines and handled well - again just like Ross. It was comfortable and went like a rocket. When I went back home to Chester, the 'Old Man' nearly had a heart attack. He said "you won't be happy until you've got a spitfire engine in a bike frame". It had a quarter fairing that looked dead smart and I fitted an Alpha four into one exhaust on it. It looked and sounded like the dogs bollocks. I destroyed it, despatch riding on it in London and sold it when I come home for buttons.
Yamaha XJ650 color silver cost £750 date 1985 Rating 9
I bought this from a guy in Widnes for £575 when I started work at scherings . It was a nice looking,comfortable, fast medium sized bike with funny looking inboard disks. I went on my honeymoon on this bike to Scotland in November. I sold it for nearly the same price as I bought it, so I reckon it was a solid investment considering I was earning a packet at scherings.
Honda CBX 550 color red £575 date 1987 Rating 7
another one from Brian Blackburn for £175, it was the bike he had his "accident" on. I repaired it, without it costing me a fortune and it went like a rocket and handled well. I had the top end rebuilt at Grampian motors (Bootle) and took it out for a spin. At ninety miles an hour the thing locked up and left half the back tyre on the expressway. Luckily for me, it freed up and I didn't have any more problems with it. The only bad point was the paintwork it was a horrible matt black without decals. .
LC 350 color black cost £175 date 1990 Rating 7
This came from a bike shop in west bank (Widnes) for £1100 they gave me £500 - part exchange for my 350 LC plus I paid £600 cash. It was a very heavy fast bike but I had strip the gearbox down because second gear went. The 'Old Man' helped me strip the gearbox down because it got a bit complicated. I wrote it off on the Chester southerly bypass, when a pair young lads tail ended me. It was sold for scrap.
Suzuki GS1000S color blue cost £1100 date 1991 Rating 8
Brian's boss in London sold me this for £1850. It was very fast, Not the best handling bike but all right in a straight line. It wasn't a comfortable bike neither but I did like the styling and power grin factor. I was hammering down the M62 coming home from work on this mother. When some tit in the outside lane refused to move over, after fashing him for about ten minutes he eventually got the message. When I stopped at the traffic lights by the 'Rocket pub' he pulled up beside me and wound his window down and started harping on about being a copper but the lights changed and I blasted off. All coppers are bastards, Now you understand. The gsxer got nicked by some horrible toe rag who trashed it and I cashed in on the insurance.
Suzuki GSXR750R color Blue/white cost £1800 date 1993 Rating 9
I bought this bike from a motorcycle dealer in Preston for £2500. It had the coolest paint job I had ever seen and was super quick, comfortable and reliable. I took it for a test drive and paid cash that day and rode it away. It was a beautiful bike and I wrote it off going to college, one frosty November morning. I braked, hit ice and ended up in the back of a transit van and then in hospital. I had a pop at the copper who came to scene of the accident before being transported off in the back of an ambulance. It was sold for scrap absolute total disaster"".
Yahama FZ750E color custom paint £2500 date 1995 Rating 9
I went to Rochdale Suzuki to pick up this bike, it cost £2850 but it was immaculate. I went to college on it all summer and then sent off to London on it. It was very comfortable and had nice styling - I thought but not everyone's cup of tea. It was fast and very reliable but not quite as hot as the Gixser's (GSXR'S). I sold it for £2400 when I lived in London.
Suzuki GSX750F color red and white £2850 date 1996 Rating 8
I went to view this bike with Motty at perivale London. I paid a deposit and later went back with Tony to pay the full amount. It was very fast, reasonably comfortable. I painted the belly pan with allsort's of witches and Halloween stuff because the paint looked a bit tired. It had one problem it would overheat in traffic jams because the electric fan didn't kick in. I sold it when I packed my job in at the mill to buy a workhorse to despatch on. .
FZR1000 color white cost £1999 date 1998 Rating 9
I bought this bike from somewhere in south London for £900. It was immaculate when I got it but I used it to despatch on and seized up the gearbox costing me £500 to repair it. It was fast, comfortable and reliable and I despatched on it for about eight months. I swapped it for Brian's TV /video combi when I left London because the Mot had ran out and it needed lots of work done on it.
Kawasaki GPX600 color red cost £900 date 1999 Rating 8
I bought this from a milkman in Middlewich because I was fed up being stuck in traffic driving to work.I worked in Widnes at the time and the bike was dogs for getting through the traffic on Runcorn bridge - Fuck off Greg Short you ginger twatted tit, you can't catch a Fireblade. It cost me £1800. It was mega fast with great handling but was uncomfortable to drive over long distances. I lived in a flat on castlefields(crackheadfields) and it was only a matter of time before it got nicked. You can view this bike in all its Halloween glory on the Nesthole website. I sent the photo on the left to the American chopper competition but only won a discovery channel cap. I sold the blade to some nice chap from mank-land because I was worried to death that some baghead would nick it.
A word of warning to any bikers who buy gear from J & S Motorcyles, look after your receipt. These guy's don't play fair. I bought a jacket off them and it fell to pieces. They made all sorts of crappy excuses like "it might have been bought elsewhere" but it was a brand supplied only by them(arseholes).
Honda CBR900R color Black cost £1800 date 2003 Rating 9+
I rode a CX for about a month and it was either just a bad un or there all horrible shit slow, bad handling, unreliable pieces of shit. It was quite good on the fuel and pretty comfortable though to be honest.
I had a 'claim to fame' when riding this piece of shit. I was delivering to No 10 and the copper's wouldn't sign for the parcel so I actually got to go inside No ten (well just the reception).
Honda cx500 color Black/red cost N/A date 1998 Rating 5
I also rode a GT550. They were very good for despatching on. Excellent on fuel, low maintenance, comfortable and with a decent amount of speed/acceleration available.
Kwasaki GT550 color Blue/white cost N/A date 1998 Rating 7
These bikes are the dog's bollocks when despatching. They have everything from Comfort, economy, low maintenance, and flexibility through traffic. The handling is great and if you get one with a fairing, It's luxury. I had one with a fairing and one without and difference is incredible. I mashed the fairing one up after sliding on a pile horse shit outside her majesty's gaff. Two coppers's seemed to find it highly amuseing but "i was not amused ".
Honda NTV 6500 color White cost N/A date 1998 Rating 9
Same as above 650 really only on a smaller scale. Less power, comfort but better fuel consumption and flexibility through traffic.
Honda Bross400 color Black cost N/A date 1999 Rating 8
I rode a BMW K75 for about 2 months while despatching in London. It was an excellent work bike especially on long runs. It was very comfortable with loads of bottom end grunt. The special thing about this bike was the ABS braking system, it's was a lifesaver. Coming up Wood Lane on wet winters day, some nobhead in a car pulled right out in front of me. Now usually you pull the brakes on so hard you're either over the handle bars or flying face down the road eating tarmac but not on this baby with abs "it does what it says on the bottle" it just steers straight and goes nowhere horrible.
BMW K750 color white cost N/A date 1999 Rating 8+
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